goodbye, old friend...

last week i had a dream about an old friend. he was asking me why we didn't keep in touch anymore. i explained that we both got married and things change when you get married. as our conversation went on i also explained that i really cut off communication out of respect for his wife. i never really knew if she liked me or not, but she sure did put up with our friendship through the years.

he and i were friends since we were like 14/15. pretty much during the whole time we were friends he was always in a serious relationship. :) he actually started dating his now wife when we were friends too. as for me, i went through my ups and downs with dating lol. (let's just keep it at that and not put any numbers out there! haha.) throughout the years we always maintained our friendship and kept in touch...contrary to what other people thought we never thought of each other as more than friends, just as really good friends.

when he got engaged i was the first person he called. i was so excited and happy for him! but i also was sad because i knew things would change and even shed some tears in the bathroom at work. =p i know, you guys are probably thinking i'm so selfish, huh? any friend would step aside for their friend's significant other rite? AND i did! i don't think i was ever "in the way"? and if i was, i apologize to his wife. i was young and selfish and ignorant. i always tried to be considerate though and he would reassure me that she understood our friendship.

anyhow i moved back to MN from CA in time for his wedding. it was the summer before i started law school. the night before his wedding i went and met him for dinner at his parent's business. (his fiance was there too.) we caught up and had dinner. then the next day was his wedding and it was great! he called me after his wedding to see what we were up to and i didn't think anything of it until my cousins were like, "why is he calling you after his wedding? you guys are weird." hehe. i guess i never thought about it because we've been friends for half my life...!

well as time went by, we started losing touch. i met johan and he was newly married. we didn't hang out anymore. i think we only went out for lunch once when i started dating johan. he and his wife came to our wedding. he really wanted to hang out with us for our after party and asked me to call him when we were done taking photos and saying goodbye to people. but i kinda got the feeling that his wife didn't want to come because she had made a comment to me, so i just let things be. but when we arrived at the after party they were there, so we got to hang out.

i dont know why i'm thinking of all these things. i guess my dream really triggered me to think about our friendship and how great of friends we were. he had told me that he really wanted me to be his best wo-MAN at his wedding, but in a hmong wedding--come on! people would have flipped hehe. i think i was feeling guilty subconsciously for never telling him why i stopped talking to him. i mean he moved on as well! the last time he called me was probably 2 years ago...

i woke up after my dream and told johan about it. he told me not to feel guilty because he's an adult and probably knows that things change when you're married. i respect and love my husband. i also respect his wife and their marriage. as great of friends as we were, i would never want to jeopardize our marriages for a friendship.

his wife was always nice and i hope that i didn't do anything to pit them against each other. i've always had more guy friends than girl friends--until now when i've gotten married. it's taken some getting used to: the fact that i can't just hang out with my guy friends or call them anymore. but johan is my husband now and he's taken the place of all of them in my life. =)

here's a tribute to all the old friends in my life. josh was singing this song the other day hehe and it brought back memories of the old days:



goodbye to you old friend. thank you for your friendship throughout the years and for always listening to me and being there for me. i will forever remember your friendship and thank God that we had each other to listen to. i pray that God will bless you and guide you!

-p