a Father's love

lately i've been feeling like the twins who can't seem to beat those dang yankees! lol.

i took the bar a second time and didn't pass. i was disappointed in myself, but i know this bar is just a test. i've done too much over the last 28 years of my life to let this get me down. hopefully third time's a charm rite? haha. but who knows, it might take me five or six tries. it doesn't matter that much to me anymore because honestly i see some people who've passed the bar and just scratch my head wondering how the heck they passed and i didn't. then i think about some of my classmates who are brilliant and analytical about the law and haven't passed the bar after a couple tries as well. i just won't be defined by this bar! i don't really care too much who knows either--i like being transparent and not hiding things. hiding things and lying about things doesn't help the situation. being transparent humbles me and other people get to see my imperfections and hopefully by doing so we all realize how insignificant we are and how magnificent He is. =)

the day i found out that i didn't pass, i was fine. i spoke with friends and family. ate lunch with my sisters in downtown minneapolis and then went shopping at the loft. came home and relaxed. i was checking my email when i found out that my college friend's father passed away from cancer. he emailed us last month and asked for our prayers. for the last month his father has been seeking treatments like crazy and went to the mayo clinic and tried just about everything. they must have known their father wasn't getting better because they took him up to their lake house and he passed away in front of the lake holding his son's hand. it made me realize how short life is and how you have to spend every waking moment with the people whom you love. if we can't spend time with them, then we need to show them how important they are to us and how much we love them...

later on that evening, my mom called and told me that my dad said if he could take the bar for me, he would. instantly i burst into tears knowing how much my dad loved me. i have such wonderful parents. they would do anything and everything in their power for their kids. our family is so blessed because everyone is so close. so close that sometimes people wonder if we're joined at the hip everywhere we go hehe. i felt so blessed to know that my dad would do anything for me to take away my pain. that's wat made me cry--not the bar, but knowing my father's love. honestly, he would probably pass the bar if he took it now haha. he's a good man. he's still very intelligent and more importantly, he's wise, and i'll always look up to him. i'm thankful to have him here still as i think about my friend's dad. i thank God that all of my family is here still and that everyone is healthy and doing well...

with my friend's dad passing away, and my dad being so kind about wanting to take away my pain, of course i was reminded by God's love for me and how He's always been with me through the good and the bad. in my failures, He is revealed to me in a different light. in my failures and rejections, His grace is manifested in all my shortcomings. as i stood in church singing on sunday, i thought to myself how other graduates might be praising Him at church that day because they passed the bar. and i thought to myself that He equally deserves my praise despite not passing because of who He is. He's Jesus!

"We are here
Because of grace
Because of love
We are here
Because of You
Because of You
You fill our hearts
With more than we
Can hold inside
And so we sing!"

and that's the way it should be.

-p