not quite there yet, but.......

Psalm 40:1-3
I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.

i heard this passage in a podcast sermon this week from Mosaic Church and it really resounded with me personally. its ironic, but i didn't just come out of a difficult time with God and am praising Him for pulling me out of the darkness. to the contrary, i feel as though im in the mud and mire rite now but i haven't realized it yet due to my own blindess and denial or that im about to fall into a pit of despair soon. so this entry is not in retrospect but actually contemplating tough times ahead that will befall me. . . . does that make sense?

it's this strange feeling that i have within me that something bad is going to come soon. maybe this is the pessimistic side of me speaking rite now. is this normal? i feel as though the hardest obstacles are about to occur and that when they do i need to remember that God will hear my cries and set my feet on solid ground. i hope of course that nothing horrible will happen, but its this awkward feeling that something horrible is going to happen. that its going to tear me apart and break me down into pieces, but on that same token that i will be rebuilt from the inside out, from the bottom to the top, and that this brokeness will make me a better person in the end.....

i feel fearful of whats to come....but maybe i need to stop trying to control my life and just LIVE. just LIVE and trust that it's all in His hands whatever the outcome......