Please Pray For Me

Yesterday Pastor Dave preached about forgiveness and loving your enemies. It’s the kind of message that gets preached a few times a year; funny that it’s ALWAYS a message we need to hear no matter how many times we’ve heard it.

I personally have had to forgive someone recently. I don’t say this because I’m an exemplary Christian or example, but because it took me a long time to get to that place….and I’m still working on it. This person was very close to me and it hurt me very much that certain things came to pass in our friendship.

While planning for my wedding and up to the very day of my wedding, there was a strain on our relationship. I spent the night before my wedding crying and crying. Crying to my sisters, friends, and parents…Crying about the loss I felt and the wrong that had been done to me. My brother felt my pain and even cried for me, with me. But the next day I had decided that nothing would bring my day down! Not even this! For it was my wedding day, my special day, and nothing would come between my happiness on one of the most memorable days of my life.

However, anger and pain kept brewing inside of me. I felt pain and hurt, and couldn’t let it go. I felt I DESERVED an apology. I felt JUSTIFIED in telling others about my pain and having them agree with me. A week after the wedding, another incident occurred between me and this friend, and it made me wonder: why is this person hurting me like this?

I recently called this person a couple of times to apologize. They are not ready to speak with me yet or maybe they’re avoiding me. But it’s okay. I know that I need to love this person regardless. I called not because I wanted to; but because I needed to. I didn’t want to say I’m sorry. I really would much rather have this person to apologize to me! I felt that I didn’t do anything wrong, so why should I apologize? Why should I apologize when I was the one who was wronged? But I realized that I had to get off my high horse. I had to stop feeling that I deserved anything, because I need mercy too.

God really brought this back to where it needed to be: the Cross. I am someone who sins, who does wrong to others, and who needs mercy and grace from Jesus. I didn’t DESERVE life, but He gave it to anyways. I am still learning. I haven’t learned all I can from this situation yet. But I know that I need to keep praying…..I don’t deserve anything as much as I’d like to think I do. Even if I didn’t do anything wrong, and this person did all the wrong, it wouldn’t matter because God’s love is so great and so deep and so wide that He calls us to love our enemies too.

There’s so much more to write, but I’m going to stop here. Please help pray for me you guys. I still carry hurt and pain with me. But I know that God wants me to forgive this person and love this person. Because He does.