more of You

ive realized lately that i have the choice whether to be happy and content--or to stew in my anger, disappointment and bitterness. i alone have the ability to decide for myself. that's pretty powerful! ive decided then that im not going to let circumstances and situations control me anymore. there are things to be sad about. there are plenty of things to worry about. but i can't be bogged down by those things anymore...my mind and my heart needs to be free of those things. for my own sanity and happiness, im letting those things go and focusing on Jesus.

my human side wants to zero in on the things that hurt me. but the Holy Spirit in me is whispering for me to let them go...i want to cry out and yell: "it's not fair!" my heart aches for justice, but i've neglected to see that Jesus is crying along with me too. i thought all along that i was alone in my struggle, but behold He is there hurting with me, His precious daughter. i feel so ashamed because i thought He forgot about me, but it is I who have forsaken Him. forgive me Father.

all i've been able to see are the lack of things in my life: wat i don't have and how empty my hands are. i am actually very blessed and fortunate because there are so many others who have less than me. if i have nothing and lose everything, i still have Jesus. and that in itself is a gift that many people in this world don't have. i might think that i dont have anything, but really--i am truly blessed.

Lord, teach me to see more of You and less of me.

amen.
-p