gosh, its been a few weeks since my last post, hasn't it? lots has been going on: birthday parties, baby showers, work, work, work, and hanging out with friends. ive also kind of been hiding away, trying to think about things and yet simultaneously trying to suppress my feelings and thoughts.
katie, kelvin, johan and i all tried matt's bar and 5-8 club. we've been meaning to go for awhile, and then finally after "food wars" we KNEW we had to go. so we tried matt's bar first and my sisters, their husbands, and my nephew came too. it was a tiny little place and we waited for over 45 mns, but let me tell u: their jucy lucy was well worth the wait! =) [for those of you who don't know, a jucy lucy is a burger made up of 2 patties with cheese in the middle.]
the following week we tried 5-8 club, but we all agreed hands down that matt's "jucy lucy" was WAYYY better than 5-8's. 5-8 had a bigger burger overall, but the burger meat was nowhere as good as matt's. the restaurant was bigger, and we didn't have to wait in line, but convenience doesn't beat taste in this instance.
now that i have to retake the bar, ive been thinking more about the things i'll miss out on the next few months. spending time with *loved ones* is definitely at the top of my list.
when you study for the bar it takes 2-3 months out of your life! not only that, the rest of your life is put on hold as you tackle 20 areas of law and attempt to become knowledgeable in them. my, oh, my, such painful torture. im totally lacking motivation to study for it again and it makes me question how badly i want it. it could be that im burnt out from the last 4 years of law school as well, but heres my question: even if i DO pass the bar, what is God's purpose for me here?
and that's why i've been in hiding and questioning God about LIFE. my thoughts range from anger, worry, defeat, confusion, back to powerlessness. but thats exactly it, isn't it? that its not within in my power to know the future and God's will for me here? that even if i passed the bar, and had a high-paying job, and everything was "set" for me in my professional career, i still would be thinking these thoughts. so its not money and power that im seeking. its His deeper purpose for me, and i know with all these questions ive been having, its really just God beckoning me to come back to Him.
why oh why do i continue to resist?
well thats wat has been on my mind lately. sorry, this entry has been more like a journal entry than a post. ive missed everyone and i hope u guys miss us too!
may God bless and reveal things to u guys this week as well.
-p
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