REJECTION

i hate rejection. i hate feeling rejected. rejection sucks.

ahhh! im pretty candid on my blog, so people usually know where i stand. well get ready to read a very honest blog! haha. the thing is, since i started law school 3 years ago ive been waiting to catch my break. i didn't say "big break", but you know "a break!" you cant imagine how humbling law school is. in college i felt smart (except in badminton class or anything sport-related! haha.) but law school holds some of the brightest and smartest people. EVERYBODY in law school is intelligent. so naturally there are some who aren't as bright as others who fall toward the bottom of the class: that's where i come in. lol.

i try and try to look for work. i get rejected from all sorts of jobs, including one job that i didn't even apply for! go figure. i thought that by this time i would be immune to rejection, but no. rejection still hurts. sigh. i feel like this is just my luck. heres a letter i found online. i dont know if its real or not, but gosh id love to send a letter like this out to a clerking job i applied for!!! hahaha.




on a more serious note, i think i went through a phase of depression last semester. im not sure because i never sought help, but i went a little crazy for awhile, ask johan...i dont know wat it is. i put so much pressure on myself to find a job. i think thats how i equate my worth. pajjar's worth = a job. ive lost sight of who i am in God. i no longer see my worth as a child of God. ive been struggling spiritually for a long time now because i dont know how to separate the two......

1st sermon: i listened to andy stanley the other day and he spoke about a verse many of us memorized when we were children:
"trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5.
i cant tell u how many times i've uttered that verse to myself these last few days. i really have to trust that He's in control and that He's got wonderful things planned for me!

2nd sermon: last nite when i drove home from my sister's house i was listening to this podcast from mosaic church. you know the parable where Jesus multiplied the fish and bread? the speaker was referring to that parable when he said: "Jesus is the kind of God that can turn something so small into something so big." i thought to myself, IM SOMETHING SMALL! GOD WILL DO SOMETHING BIG WITH MY LIFE IF I SURRENDER TO HIM! i dont want to be rich or famous. i just want, like so many of you out there, to live a joyful life that glorifies God and to leave a legacy behind. watever i do, i want to take pleasure and pride in it, and be able to provide for my family.

3rd sermon: today i listened to a podcast by greg boyd and you know wat it was entitled? Embracing Pain. no pain, no gain = a Calvary principle, he said. don't try to run away from pain and dont try to escape pain so quickly. instead, embrace pain and grow from it. learn from it. be challenged by it. so today i want to say: thank you for my pain Lord. thank you for all the rejection ive been through. thank you for all those jobs i wasn't considered for! thank you for all the tears and heartache. for i know in the end, something beautiful will come from it and it will all be worth it. all of these sacrifices will be worth something in the future. im thankful for all these rejections because its going to make way for something greater to come in the future--which is hopefully better character in myself.

-pajjar